Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I didn't write this, but somebody did...

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful phrases in the English language today is the phrase "Snakes on a Plane". It is the one magical phrase, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and Samuel L. Jackson.

In language, "Snakes on a Plane" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John snaked Mary on a plane) and intransitive (Mary was snaked on a plane by John). It can be an action verb (John really snakes on a plane), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't snake on a plane), an adverb (Mary is snaking-on-a-plane interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific snake on a plane). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is snaking-on-a-plane beautiful) or an interjection (Snakes on a Plane! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, SNAKES ON A PLANE, he's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the phrase "Snakes on a Plane."

Aside from its R-rated-because-that's-what-the-fans-demanded connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1) Surprise -- "What the snakes on a plane are you doing here?"
2) Fraud -- "I got snaked on a plane by the car dealer."
3) Resignation -- "Oh, snakes on a plane!"
4) Trouble -- "I guess I'm snakes on a plane now."
5) Aggression -- "GO SNAKE YOURSELF ON A PLANE!"
6) Disgust -- "Snake me on a motherfucking plane."
7) Confusion -- "What the...snakes on a plane...?"
8) Difficulty -- "I don't understand these snakes on a plane!"
9) Despair -- "Snakes on a plane again...."
10) Pleasure -- "I couldn't be happier if I had snakes on a plane."
11) Displeasure -- "What the motherfuck is going on here, snakes on a plane?"
12) Lost -- "Where are we going and why are there snakes on a plane?"
14) Retaliation -- "Up your fucking snakes on a plane!"
15) Denial -- "I didn't do it. The snakes did. On a plane."
16) Perplexity -- "I know everything to do with it, if it has anything to do with Snakes On A Plane."
17) Apathy -- "Who really gives a snake on a plane, anyhow?"
18) Greetings -- "How the snakes on a plane are ya?"
19) Suspicion -- "Who the fuck are you, snakes on a plane?"
20) Panic -- "Let's get the snakes on a plane out of here."
21) Directions -- "Fuck off, snakes on a plane."
22) Awe -- "How the snakes on a plane did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description -- "He's got a motherfucking snake up his motherfucking plane." It can be used to tell time -- "It's five snakes on a plane thirty." It can be used in business -- "How did I wind up with this job? It's snakes on a plane!" And of course, it can be maternal -- "Motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane."

The mind fairly boggles at the many creative uses of the phrase! How can anyone be offended when you say, "Snakes on a Plane"? Use it frequently in your daily speech! It adds to your prestige.